Ignite Your PowHER

Mindful Parenting with Dr. Sogol

July 28, 2021 Jennifer Roelands, MD Season 1 Episode 31
Ignite Your PowHER
Mindful Parenting with Dr. Sogol
Chapters
Ignite Your PowHER
Mindful Parenting with Dr. Sogol
Jul 28, 2021 Season 1 Episode 31
Jennifer Roelands, MD


What is mindful parenting?  It means that you bring your conscious attention to what’s happening, instead of getting hijacked by your emotions. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Sogol.

Meet Our Podcast Guest:

Dr. Sogol Pahlavan is a Board Certified Pediatrician and Mindfulness Coach. Her mission is to heal the healer. She used mindfulness with her patients as well as at home in her parenting. It has transformed the way she interacts at work and in her home. 

In this episode we chat about:

  • Connecting with your children at their level.
  • How to communicate with your children in the heat of the moment.
  • How mindfulness can help you debrief a stressful parenting moment. 
  • The advantages of using mindfulness in your parenting practice.
  • Breaking negative belief patterns

Connect with my Guest: 

Instagram: Dr. Sogol (@drsogol_mindfulliving) • Instagram photos and videos

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. I’m beyond honored that you’re here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or on your podcast app, this way together we can inspire, connect and educate even more women.

Let’s connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with Jennifer Roelands, MD │Coach (@wellwomanmd) • Instagram photos and videos and the hashtag #WellWomanMD – can’t wait to connect.


THANK YOU TO OUR  SPONSOR:

Want to learn why your hormones are a hot mess? Trying to get pregnant and want answers?

This episode is sponsored by Modern Fertility. A wonderful company that offers tests that are delivered to your door. The most comprehensive fertility hormone test you can take at home to be proactive about your fertility. Use this link and get $10 off of your order.

Thanks to our sponsor:

Well Woman MD
Well Woman MD is my health coaching business. I have spent over a decade in women's health and can help you optimize your health. If you have a hormonal imbalance and want to reverse your symptoms naturally then I can help you. I address nutrition, lifestyle, and mindset with my 5 step proven protocol. You will get vetted information to help you live well, love well.

Instagram:
Jennifer Roelands, MD (@wellwoman.md) • Instagram photos and videos

FB business page:
(4) Well Woman MD | Facebook

Youtube channel: please subscribe
(1) Well Woman MD - YouTube

#menstrualcycle #PMS #womenshealth #womenswellness 
#PCOS #PCOS diet #stressreliever #PCOSsymptoms #PCOS #PCOSnaturalsolutions



Show Notes Transcript


What is mindful parenting?  It means that you bring your conscious attention to what’s happening, instead of getting hijacked by your emotions. In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Sogol.

Meet Our Podcast Guest:

Dr. Sogol Pahlavan is a Board Certified Pediatrician and Mindfulness Coach. Her mission is to heal the healer. She used mindfulness with her patients as well as at home in her parenting. It has transformed the way she interacts at work and in her home. 

In this episode we chat about:

  • Connecting with your children at their level.
  • How to communicate with your children in the heat of the moment.
  • How mindfulness can help you debrief a stressful parenting moment. 
  • The advantages of using mindfulness in your parenting practice.
  • Breaking negative belief patterns

Connect with my Guest: 

Instagram: Dr. Sogol (@drsogol_mindfulliving) • Instagram photos and videos

Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. I’m beyond honored that you’re here and would be grateful if you could take 2 minutes to leave me a 5-star review in iTunes or on your podcast app, this way together we can inspire, connect and educate even more women.

Let’s connect? Take a screenshot of this episode and share it on Instagram tagging me in with Jennifer Roelands, MD │Coach (@wellwomanmd) • Instagram photos and videos and the hashtag #WellWomanMD – can’t wait to connect.


THANK YOU TO OUR  SPONSOR:

Want to learn why your hormones are a hot mess? Trying to get pregnant and want answers?

This episode is sponsored by Modern Fertility. A wonderful company that offers tests that are delivered to your door. The most comprehensive fertility hormone test you can take at home to be proactive about your fertility. Use this link and get $10 off of your order.

Thanks to our sponsor:

Well Woman MD
Well Woman MD is my health coaching business. I have spent over a decade in women's health and can help you optimize your health. If you have a hormonal imbalance and want to reverse your symptoms naturally then I can help you. I address nutrition, lifestyle, and mindset with my 5 step proven protocol. You will get vetted information to help you live well, love well.

Instagram:
Jennifer Roelands, MD (@wellwoman.md) • Instagram photos and videos

FB business page:
(4) Well Woman MD | Facebook

Youtube channel: please subscribe
(1) Well Woman MD - YouTube

#menstrualcycle #PMS #womenshealth #womenswellness 
#PCOS #PCOS diet #stressreliever #PCOSsymptoms #PCOS #PCOSnaturalsolutions



Jennifer roelands  0:04  
Hello, ladies, I am so honored today to bring you a fantastic guest. She's amazing. Dr. Palawan is a pediatrician. She's a podcaster. like myself, she's also a mama and a wonderful mindfulness coach. And we don't talk, we even talked about this yet this sort of concept of being a mindful parent. And I think this is really important for women who are who have children, but also women who are thinking of having children on how to kind of get your brain in the right mind frame so that you can be more effective as a parent and be more effective as of as just a human being. Mindfulness is good for Oh, all things. So thank you very much for agreeing to come on and chat with me.

Dr. Pahlavan  0:46  
Thank you so much. Such a pleasure. I'm so excited. I love mindful parenting.

Jennifer roelands  0:53  
I didn't mean, sorry. I didn't mention but what is the name of your podcast again? 

Dr. Pahlavan  0:57  
Okay. It's mindful living with Dr. Sobel. 

Jennifer roelands  1:02  
Perfect. So tell us about yourself, just tell us where you started from and how you decided to go in this realm from being a pediatrician.

Dr. Pahlavan  1:09  
Yeah, so I'm a board-certified pediatrician, I grew up in Houston. And I did most of my training here and kind of an hour away here and there but came back home. And I have my own practice. It's in a kind of underserved area in a Hispanic underserved community. And I'd love that community. Not many resources out there. So you are kind of bearing all you know, they're, you're the psychologist and the social worker, and the physician and everything else that comes with that space. I practice with my sister, she's also a pediatrician. And so that's been super fun. I have three kids, they're not teenagers, 1214 and 16. So I know, all about the baby years up to the toddler years, up to the teenagers. And so the real so I, a year ago, I got certified as a mindfulness coach. And the reason I did that is, if you've had other physicians or you yourself, or if you're just kind of hearing what's going on in the physician community, and with COVID, there's a lot of burnout, and burnout can look different ways to different people. And you don't necessarily have to be a physician to have burnout, I think there's burnout per se across the board. In our society, whether you're a mother or an attorney, or a physician or any other human being, we are all at this point where we are burnt out. And so I reached in my burned outlook like just I was just tired. I was tired. 24 hours a day, I was dragging out of bed, I didn't know what was wrong with me. That happened about four years ago. And it took me a good four years to understand what it was after doing all the medical diagnoses that came out all negative, the workup and it ended up being just this emotional and mental toll that I had been carrying for so many years and not realizing what that was causing to my body. And so that's why I started on my journey of kind of mindfulness and understanding what it is, and I loved it so much. And it's transformed my life so much that I really wanted to give back because I don't want anyone to be in that space that I was a couple of years ago. And like you had said, I'm so excited about these podcasts and YouTubes and physicians going out there and just sharing their stories. Right and by sharing their story where you allow other people too, to, you know, connect with you and come out of the Woodworks and just acknowledge that it's okay to feel like this or it's okay to have these challenges that you're not the only one out there. I think that's the beauty of having this community, this community built in this community.

Jennifer roelands  4:00  
You said something so critical there was that I think COVID has taught all of us about connection, you know, we became so disconnected because we all had to sit in our house for a year or year and a half, or some people are continuing to do that, that we like almost craved connection. And you're that's exactly what you're saying is like we became more we need to actually support each other and connect as opposed to trying to figure out how to fix our own island.

Dr. Pahlavan  4:27  
And I think the connection, the most important thing I learned in that space in that connection spaces that you cannot connect with others. And this is where mindfulness comes in unless you're connected with yourself. And so that is what I really want the audience to understand. And that's what mindfulness is like mindfulness can mean a lot of different things to different people and for years. Back when I was like, my mom used to talk about mindfulness and I was like, Oh, that's like 16 On top of a hill, like a guru and meditating, I don't have time for that, right? or doing yoga or whatever, I don't have time for that. But mindfulness is if I could describe it, in like one sentence or even two words, it's like, being aware of those thoughts inside your head, right? That noise, or that mental chatter, that we all have 24 hours a day, sometimes it's super loud. And sometimes it's very calm, sometimes it's nice, and sometimes it's not so bad. And then being aware of your feelings switch has been, I think one of the hardest things, just working with physicians and working through the coaching community is that we're very cerebral like humans just want to think and we want to fix and we want to go to the solution. And we neglect what's going on in our bodies. So mindfulness means knowing what's in your head, knowing what's in your body and connecting those, and then trying to work through it to see what are the thoughts that are causing this? Why am I feeling like this? Can I do something, but the first step is just being aware that of those patterns of those beliefs of those feelings because of the fatigue that I was carrying? For me, my feelings came in anger, frustration, and irritability, and everybody could feel it, right? whether that was my children, my staff, my spouse, and I was kind of in denial. I was like, Oh, it's your fault. It's this fault. It's not like, at some point, we have to take responsibility for the way that our body is. And it's not like, it's your problem or your fault. It's like, what is my body trying to tell me? Right? Let's tune in. Because your body does speak to you, just like your mind speaks to you. So let's hear it out. Which is the same kind of like when your teenager screams at you, okay? They don't mean to scream because they hate you. And whatever. It's, what is my teenager trying to tell me? Right? Instead of coming in from like, a defensive mode, like, Oh, you're so ungrateful. And I've done all this stuff to you. And you're yelling at me? Like, no, let's, let's go into the space of the teenager and see, okay, what what's their day? Like? What's going on? What are their thoughts? What are their feelings and connecting with that, but you can't make that connection unless you connect with yourself? So that's where the first step starts.

Jennifer roelands  7:35  
Yeah, and that is a key to parenting is understanding it with your child, it's not about you. It's about something that, that you got to figure out. It's problem-solving all the time. Right. So that actually segues beautifully into mindful parenting, which we were going to talk about today, which is how to understand your kids a little bit differently. It's not literal like they're throwing themselves on the ground because they don't have a chicken nugget, it's probably something else. It's just understanding that and I think you probably have some great tools for parents to start to figure out maybe this is something I need to know about.

Dr. Pahlavan  8:14  
Yeah. I will say again, I will say you're always saying this your biggest teacher, these teachers in life are your children. Like each child. I have three children, and they each teach me a different thing, because they have different personalities altogether, right? So just going in with that mindset and saying, instead of being very reactive to what they say, pausing and being like, what is this situation trying to teach? instead of like, going to like, wow, like very emotional about whatever, right? What if, if the toddler's reacting like this, what and you can't sometimes, most of the time, you can't do this in the heat of the moment, but it takes a lot of practice to pause in that heat of the moment. Don't beat yourself up. If you're like, Oh, I know how to do this. And then the toddler screens and then you start screaming with it. That's totally normal. You've been doing this for like years, and then you can kind of pause. So awareness is always retroactive, right? You always look back and then you pause, you look back, and you see Oh, let's go over it and see what happened. And we teach that with parents all the time. We said if your kid is having a temper tantrum, you can't sit the kid down in the middle of the temper tantrum be like, we don't you know, eat ice cream before bedtime because it ruins our teeth or whatever, right? You allow them to have the temper tantrum, leave them alone, and then it might not even be the same day, maybe the next day or next week, when they're coloring or when they're happy or when you're playing on the playground and you say, Hey, remember how you wanted to eat ice cream, and you know, before bedtime, let's talk about it, right? The same thing that you need to do with yourself. And the way that you talk with yourself is to be paused and be aware. But don't do that in the middle of the chaos. Like, give yourself some grace. If you have to yell, that's okay. You can yell. But at least now instead of yelling and going about your day, you're yelling, but then you have a time where you pause and you go back and you rewind it, you see what, what went on in that day. The other thing that's really helped me is just with kids of all ages, especially teenagers, or the preteens, they don't want your advice. They don't want you to talk. They want you to listen. So that is something that you can work on. It's been super hard for me because I'm a talker. And we as physicians are like solution solvers, right? We want to fix things. So when the teen or the preteen the kid comes to you, and they're like, oh, I had such a horrible day or Whoo, Jenny was so mean to me or whatever. Okay, let's fix it. What happened? No, just the there are two sentences I use, I say, I usually see I say, I hear. And then I insert whatever they're saying, right? So it's like, Jenny, so mean, she didn't invite me to the party, right? I don't say like, Oh, my God, who's Jenny, whos her mom, let me go tell her and when is the party that no. A lot of the time they just want that their home is considered their safe space, right? So they just want to vent. They just want to talk, and they don't want you to talk back. Do they hear advice? They don't, they just want you to hear them. Right? And so by, and then you can't hear them in silence, right? Because then they're like, oh, you're ignoring me? Are you not listening to me? Why aren't you meeting so eye contact is very important? Getting on their level is very important. pausing what you're doing, if you're cooking, and they walk in and don't continue to cook, you know, pause pictures, this same stuff that you do with your patients, right? you pause, you make eye contact, and then you hear them out, and when you acknowledge them. So I see or I hear that Jenny didn't invite you to the party. That's all you have to say. You just repeat what they say, super easy. And then they'll go about doing something else. And they said, Oh, I hear that you are upset. Because Jenny didn't invite you to your party. So I use those two sentences very often. I see. And I hear so I see you, and I hear you. And that gives some message of acknowledgment. Right? And attunement, instead of just brushing them off said that for teenagers, preteens are the connection that they're looking for. They're not looking for you to save the day or, to, you know, give them any other kind of advice. Sometimes I will ask them like, I hear. Jenny, I hear you're upset because Jenny didn't invite you to the party. Would you like me to help? Right? Or how would you like, what would you like me to do? Do you need my help? Like, ask them before you offer it don't just like, will like give whatever your experiences, which are, they're not looking for most of the time, like, 90% of the time, they don't want your help. They just want you to hear them and be like, oh, okay, I hear that Jenny didn't invite your party. And that makes you feel sad. That's it.

Jennifer roelands  14:01  
Those are fantastic insights. I mean, those are things that I right now have a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old. So I'm writing that little portion and I am a very different personality. Children, like ones very introverted and quiet, rarely say anything. The other one is the complete opposite. So that works great for both of them. Because I do find sometimes that I, you know, we do want to solve as moms and physicians, we want to solve everything in 15 minutes or less, right? You came in, we're giving you the solution, you're going done visits over. And so it's hard not to sort of realize, that they probably don't care about myself. And then B it's probably not the right one for them. Because what works for me is not likely to work for two boys, right? And just in general, because it's not the same feelings they went through in the same life circumstances. So yeah, I think those are powerful tips to help people with kids and with Teenagers especially because that seems to be the two-year-olds and teenagers seem to be stressful, which can be very similar groups. And that's very similar. In very ways. I wanted me when you were talking, I was thinking to myself when you said you're not in the moment, but go back. Do you think as a parent, there should be sort of times that you should check in with yourself on those things? or it should be like, okay, a day later, I should always do this. 

Dr. Pahlavan  15:28  
Yes, I love that you brought up because I, since my journey into mindfulness, the first tool that I started with, which allows you to like pause is, okay, so how do you do that? Like, people are like, okay, like, when do I pause, like, I don't even have time, like I, you know, I'm working. And then I don't even have time to pee or whatever. I am a huge proponent of journaling, journaling, because there is something that happens when you actually put a pen to paper and start writing rather than, just, you know, thinking in your head out loud, right, or thinking inside your head. And a lot of my clients give me pushback on this. And it takes them a while to like, actually, believe me, but once they start doing it, they're like, oh, why didn't I do it earlier, and like, I don't know, like, I don't you can do it. I understand it's challenging to find the time. But what I tell them is the time that you are spending spinning in those thoughts. It's so inefficient, like, it consumes so much of your energy right throughout the day. That's why you probably come home depleted, it's not because you had difficult patients or because whenever there was traffic on the road, or because you have to go to a PTA meeting, or like some committee meeting or board meeting or something. It's because the way you showed up that day was you were carrying all the baggage from whatever was happening yesterday, and last week, and last month, and it's all piling on top of each other. And so you're like walking around with like, you know, like either being like nine months pregnant, and like having, you know, like 30 pounds on you extra pounds, or like carrying like 100 pounds on your shoulder. So journaling allows you to just like, dump all that weight out on paper. And the first thing I say it's like, you don't have to do anything with what you write, the fact of the fact that you're actually writing it out releases that energy. And we say this all the time to teenagers. And if you've taken your kids to, you know, the pediatrician and they needed counseling or therapy 50% of the healing from therapy is you sit there and talk, right, like the therapist doesn't even have the other 50% and the therapist helps you with the resources and you know, the two-way dialogue, but 50% of it is just like the outlet, right? Like, let it out somehow, like, I journal I tell kids to sing, want to sing it out, sing it out, I tell them to paint if they'd like to paint, a lot of them like to doodle and draw, that's fine, rap, like do whatever, like what, in any way to kind of an outlet, like to get that energy those thoughts out of your head onto something else. And it should not be on to your partner or your staff or your child, which is what we're used to right, we're going about our day. And it's like, and if you really think about what triggers you at the moment, and you go back and reflect you're like, oh, that like I don't understand why my reaction was so out of range to whatever they did right out of range because you're carrying that unresolved emotions and unresolved thoughts over the years and then you just explode. That's what happens and you end up exploding. And so that's what I used to do. I lived in chaos on some level. When the kids were smaller once my oldest is very much like me, she's very opinionated and type A, and outgoing, and doesn't want anyone to tell her anything. And so we butted heads for literally 10 years and then I was like we've got to do something about this like this isn't working! So taking the time to get all that out of your system. So and what I do like I tell I tell parents like my sanctuary when my kids were smaller with bathroom You have five minutes in the bathroom to pee. Hopefully, if you don't, please put a sign out there and lock it and say I gotta pee, like, that's your Right, right. You could do that. In your car like in carpool. Usually, we spend a lot of time in the carpool or going from work or that can work right before like, you actually come into the garage just parked outside or right after you get out of work. just pause for 10 minutes around there. And just write down what your thoughts have been. Pick a specific thought that keeps coming up over and over and over and making you feel a certain way. Just write it down. Like what is this thought? What am I thinking? How is it making me feel? How do I show up when I think of this thought, right? So for me, the common thought about my parenting was like, the construct appreciates me, which is very common for all parents, right? Yes. appreciate me. Okay. If you don't if you have that thought, that's not a fact. Right? That is a complete thought. Like, if you put 10 kids or 10 people in front of you, and you ask them, you know, do you appreciate me? maybe seven out of 10 will say yes, but it's never like 10 out of 10. Right? It's a fact it's not it's an opinion. And so how do you show up when you keep thinking? Kids don't appreciate me, kids don't appreciate me, it keeps okay. You don't feel very good. Or you don't feel very outward if you don't feel like an awesome mom. So why what? How can we change that conversation? Right? And it's the inner conversation? How can we change it? Those are the things that you're looking for, like, when you identify the thought, then you say like, how is this thought serving me always question it? Because be like, Is it true? Is that really true that they don't appreciate me? Because your brain offers you thoughts, those thoughts, 80 to 85% of those thoughts are negative and repetitive and based on past experiences, okay? So you have that 15% which that's why we talk about thinking consciously or thinking with your parent brain or your prefrontal cortex, which is the front part of your brain, which is like, pausing and consciously thinking about it is tapping into that 15% and being like, Hey, I know 85% of the time, my brain is telling me that kids don't appreciate me. But I bet if I really sit down and think about it, that 15% of the time, I can find episodes, where they actually sometimes Tell me like, Oh, you're so awesome. All right. But your brain doesn't want to think about that. It always wants to go to the negative stuff. That's what you do when you pause, and you journal is you activate that 15% of your brain and you have to like consciously, it doesn't come natural, it doesn't we're all live on autopilot. And autopilot is negative, repetitive thoughts. So pausing and journaling taps into that 15%. And then as you do it more than you build up the muscle, and then that's 85% gets smaller because you're building more stamina, and that's 50% gets larger.

Jennifer roelands  23:16  
Just like training for a race, right? The more you practice, the better you get, the easier it is, as opposed to the first time you know, go run two miles and you think you're going to die. And I think what you said is really important because even learning, right? There's so much good data that supports people learn by writing things, they hear it, they write it down, they hear it or see it, they write it down as it connects, it's a connection between a motor function and your brain function. And it does help people kind of learn better. So you're kind of learning or retraining yourself as well. 

Dr. Pahlavan  23:51  
Yeah, I call it a re-parenting your toddler brain. So there's, your brain is divided into three parts. And I call it your toddler, your teenager, your parent brain. your toddler brain is like your primitive old evolutionary brain. Okay, that's the one that where you're on autopilot. And that's the one where all of us, if you're not conscious and mindful, you're sitting in that space and your toddler brain is like your toddler. So everybody can relate to that, right? Yes, rolling, it wants to tell you what to do. It does. It's not flexible, all of that. Your teenage brain is the midbrain, the middle part of your brain, which is your amygdala. And it gives you it creates your feelings, okay? And then your parent brain is your conscious part. That's the mindful part that you want to it's the CEO, it's the executive. So you want to listen to your parent brain because that's like the actual parent just like in a family, you would you know, the parent is the one that you should listen to. Right. And so what's happening in your brain is that you're taught like if you're driving the car, okay. Think of your teenager that doesn't have a license yet. They're like, Oh, like 15 1415 sitting at the driver's wheel. And your toddler is sitting in the passenger. And the parent is like muted and like handcuff and like muzzled back in the trunk. So they're not even in the car. Okay, no directions from the parent. And the toddler has like the GPS, or right, they have the Google map or whatever. And they're giving directions to your teenager. And then your teenager is driving down this road called life. So you're being controlled by your toddler brain, and your emotions are being created by your teenager, and your parent is gone. Like they're not even in the future. So would you ever allow your toddler and your teenager to, like, dictate what you do in life? Right? Oh, but we do that all the time with ourselves. That's why it really starts with you. And you're really understanding that what I call it the inner family, which is the one that's sitting in your brain, understanding what is my toddler feeding me every day? What are those thoughts? And what kind of feelings? Is that causing my teenager? Right? And where's my parent? Did my parent was my parent activate? I did I asked any questions today? Did she come into the house? Is she vacationing Is she a prison-like words. And like, that's when I work with my clients, I worked with that, that relationships, that's the first thing that we work with. And then we go down to our body, and then we tell the lockdown into our soul. But that's like, that's like parenting 103.

Jennifer roelands  26:43  
Yeah, and this, this stuff all affects your relationships with other people, right? And the more that you are mindful as a parent, the better off when you go to work. And you have that co-worker that you think doesn't like you that one time ate your spaghetti in the refrigerator, that you have these thoughts about how they must not like you. And it must be this and that. And so you continue to kind of do that same spiraling effect that happens with parenting as well. And those are different between the facts. That's In fact, so I think what you're saying is critical for women who just maybe want to improve their relationship at work with their co-workers, or their relationship with their boss, or knowing they may have a boss they don't really like but they're gonna have to deal with. So how do you change your, your thoughts around how to work with someone? I think this is this can basically help in so many areas of your life.

Dr. Pahlavan  27:36  
Yeah. And then don't forget your relationship with yourself. Like, how many thoughts do we have throughout the day about ourselves? Right, most of our thoughts are, especially when we're alone, and we're not, you know, having to interact with anyone else. It's about ourselves, right? And when we're trying to set goals when we're trying to do something new, when we're trying to make a big decision in our lives, right. All those thoughts that have been, and a lot of them are sneaky, you know, the common ones. And this is why you journal because the common ones you can kind of you'll get in your journaling at the beginning. But if you allow your brain just you don't filter anything, and you don't get offended by whatever your hand is writing. So don't hold back. If you hold back, it doesn't work. You start writing, then you'll start getting into the deeper thoughts. I remember sometimes I would journal and I'd be like, a God is my brain thinking.

Jennifer roelands  28:42  
It's hard, to be honest with yourself.

Dr. Pahlavan  28:45  
It's so hard, but it's so important. And I will tell you like you said your relationships with others like as I reconnected with myself, as I really dug through all these, like thoughts and beliefs that I had with myself, and started questioning it and working towards like pivoting to Kinder beliefs, or softer beliefs. My energy level changed so dramatically and so I believe in like energy like you have the universe. We're all living here. We're all made out of energy. We're atoms, and that's how we come about. So as your energy level as that vibration gets higher, then, like your kids just automatically gravitate towards you. It's like, it's literally magic. Like, I don't have to do anything the other day a couple of weeks ago, my 16-year-old was like, Hey, you want to go out and have dinner on a Friday night? I was like, why are you Where are your friends? Right, but they feel it. Like when you feel good about yourself, you give off that energy. And so your kids are so much in tune with their feeling. There's so much more grounded, like, adults build a lot of walls. So we're just working through all these obstacles in our lives, and we're not free, and we're not creative as much as our kids are. So when the kids feel your energy, so much more, so when they feel that energy, they're like, oh, it feels good. Like, mom feels good. Let me be beside her right. Versus where I was living in this like, anger and yelling and chaos, and you know, resentment, energy, it's very much different than, like call my, my intentions when I started 15 months ago is I wanted to be calm, and patient. And that's what I'm kind of working towards. So as parents set an intention, and when I set intentions, I do like one intention. And for me, the first intention was calm. For you. It can be whatever you want it to be but stick to that intention, and really work on it. I don't do like daily intentions, like today, I want to be kind. And then tomorrow, I don't know, I'm like, I look at my entire life. And I'm like, how do I want to be most of the time? What do I want to focus on? And for me, it was calm? Because I wasn't I was like, Oh, I was like this? Yeah. So and still 15 months in, I'm working like I'm not calm, Buddha-like 24 hours a day. But that's the beauty of it. It's an ongoing journey that you work on every day. And every day, you would make it a baby step, and those baby steps accumulate, and they make a huge difference.

Jennifer roelands  31:50  
Yeah, journaling is a tool that I use a lot in my health coaching business, especially with health goals, because a lot of times it's you can't just say I want to feel better, right? It's hard. Like, let's writing it down is so much more effective to say, Okay, I had a bad day. What is the component that may have made that bad day? Was it because I messed up and ate McDonald's wasn't? Because I didn't work out? Was it? Because I just had bad thoughts about my weight all day, like, what is it that we're doing journaling can be a powerful tool for health and wellness across the board, because you kind of forget we have really short-term memories, right? I can't remember what I ate lunch yesterday for lunch. And so it's hard to remember like, Oh, I had a good day a week ago, what happened? What did I do? What was I thinking? What was the difference? And so writing those things down is so powerful to be able to go back and go, Oh, yeah, yeah, I spent 10 minutes meditating that day, that's why I had a good day, or my son, my 16 years old want to hang out with me or you know, it's something that sort of contributed to that I think journaling is so key to health. And we don't spend a lot of time as physicians talking to patients about that. And that really is something that could benefit everybody with every illness that we're talking about.

Dr. Pahlavan  33:02  
And it's free, right? It's like, constant. And it's so funny because my clients will be like, Okay, so what do I use to journal and I'm like, paper and a pen-like it doesn't have to cuz your brain makes things are so complicated. I was like, I literally, when I started, I went into like the art room. And I open the drawers and I got out like, my son had a bat notebook that had a basketball on it. And he'd written some stuff in it. But there were a lot of pages. And I was like, okay, that's my journal. And I just grabbed a pen. Everybody has a pen or pencil, right? Don't make a complicated you don't have it doesn't have to be pretty whatever later down if that's what makes you feel good, fine. But like, just get started, like, do it, the first step is doing it or get some like loose-leaf paper or whatever, anything right on the back of something. You're not turning it in for a grade.

Jennifer roelands  33:58  
Yeah, five minutes a day, literally five minutes a day will change so much. I talk about that at the beginning of the day, too. I often will do it at begin the day and sort of set the intention for the day or tried to see if I can meet what I think my intention is going to be for that day. So it could be as simple as five minutes a day just spending time writing those things down your thoughts. Or maybe you had a difficult situation with your child and you want to sort of write it down and say, How can I go back and think about what happened as opposed to just reacting?

Dr. Pahlavan  34:31  
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, I do, I'm not a morning person. So when I started journaling, I would I and I still do it. I do it at nighttime after like dinner and stuff like that, because I don't have to do it. The kids are older so I don't have to do you know, bedtime routine, blah, blah, blah, stuff like that. But the important thing is like, do it whenever you can, like start on, get some time right during and whenever you can, and then as you fall into it, and it becomes a habit, like, after 15 months, I can't not journal, it's like brushing my teeth, like my body like craves it My mind is like, Okay, well, you haven't written anything down today. So it's, it's that first step, that's always the hardest. And even like, if you met, if you sit down, you got your pen and you got your paper, and the first week, maybe nothing will come to mind. That's okay. Like, sit there, just the fact that you're sitting and you have your hand on your paper, you just write your name, write the date, whatever, just write whatever you want. Like it doesn't, there are no rules, as long as you start getting used to the pattern of doing it and showing up for yourself. And then when you show up for yourself, you feel good, that your body feels good about you. Because it's like, oh, I actually took five minutes out of the day, to say that I am important. And feel good. Then you give good, right you share good when you feel yucky about yourself when you feel angry. And when they feel resentful. And you're when you feel stressed or worried or anxious. That is the energy that you give to people. Those are the words your words that you choose to talk to people that come from that anger and resentment and worry and stress, right? Your business, the way that your body language it changes. I mean, there are so many things that change depending on your mood, or the way that you're in your all your feelings come from your thoughts. So it's like the place to start. It's like really looking up here and seeing what's going on up here.

Jennifer roelands  36:38  
So do you have those your podcast? Do you go over these tips that help people kind of get started? Because for most people, I think I mean, myself as well, two years ago, like, I was like mindfulness, what the heck is that mean? Like? Sure, I'm mindful of blah, blah, blah, but it's not the same thing. So where can people find you? And what kind of resources do you suggest that they go to? or start with? Or just kind of give us your next step? 

Dr. Pahlavan  37:05  
Yeah. So my podcast, the way I have created it is I'm just sharing my story, as I am going along my mindfulness journey. So it's, and I tried to be as vulnerable and possible because that's one of my thoughts that I'm working on. Because I thought vulnerability is weakness, which it's not, it's actually strength and courage. So I'm using it as my podcast to kind of shift between, you know, from that thought to the other one. And I do I give all my coaching tips, like through my podcast, if you start the first one is my story. And then it goes up. And it builds about, like, your thoughts. And I talk a lot and I'm since I'm a pediatrician, I feel like I talk on that level, right? I'm not very intellectual with like big words, I talk on the level of like, like, you know, high school level, or even sometimes middle school level, I tried to like really relate because that's how I've been trained to talk like to my patients and my parents. And so I feel like it's super relatable. It's not obscure or like spiritual or woowoo, or anything like that. It's very, like tangible. And then at the end of my podcast, I always get paused practices, which is something that you can add to your journal. So I give a topic I talk about it, I give a lot of examples of in my life, or just examples of other things that I've seen. And then I give pause practices. So if you're interested in that journey, but you have to do the work, you can't just listen, it won't it's not magic, it's not just going to like absorb in, like, you know, you actually have to do the past practices. And when you do, it's, it's transformative. Like, if I can do it, then anybody can do it is what I say.

Jennifer roelands  38:52  
That's amazing. I so appreciate that. You're bringing this to women and parents in general, because this is something that we as physicians don't do in a clinical setting. And so it's great when I see physicians who are expanding what they can teach patients and help them at home, right? 

Dr. Pahlavan  39:11  
Yeah, yeah. And you know, my mission is just to educate, just educate if it's even one person. If I can help then that's all worth it for me because it is definitely doable. And if you do prioritize your time and give it as you said, five minutes, give yourself five minutes a day, y'all everybody is worth five minutes a day. Come on.

Jennifer roelands  39:35  
That is true. Thank you so much for everything that you brought today. It was amazing and I've learned so much myself and I'm gonna definitely be listening to your podcast so I can get these tips for my own parenting skills because gosh knows like you said they teach you each one of them teach you something different constantly. So I appreciate and you can also be found on Instagram and Facebook as well. Right?

Dr. Pahlavan  39:59  
Yeah. It's mindful living with Dr. Sobel. And that's my podcast.

Jennifer roelands  40:04  
Perfect. So I will when this episode is aired, I will put that at the bottom. So look for the show notes for your links to your podcast as well as your social media. Well, thank you again. You're so fun. Appreciate it. Thank you. I'm going to end this live and then I'll just chat with you for a minute after okay.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai